Thunderbeard and Lightning

shocking bolts of grace

Guilt and Shame November 22, 2009

Filed under: Jesus Christ, faith — thunderbeard @ 4:00 pm

How would you answer the following questions:

Do you live with a simmering sense of guilt?

Do you consistently feel inadequate?

Are you overwhelmed?

Are you afraid to take on new challenges?

Do you avoid people?

Are you defensive when corrected?

Do you assume you know other people’s motives?

Do you feel like you’re being set up by God?

My answer is…

“Yes”.

To all of them.

Today at church the sermon was once again about the good news of Jesus Christ.

Sunday after Sunday we gather together to hear our elders preach the same thing.

Sounds boring, huh? But it’s exactly what preaching should be.

It’s exactly what we need from our pastor/shepherds – to point us to The Good Shepherd.

This morning we were taught from the Old Testament book of Judges, chapter 13.

This chapter is awesome.

Manoah and his wife, the parents of Samson, get to see the angel of the LORD.

From the text it seems that this is a pre-incarnate appearance of Jesus.

Jesus gives them a promise, and then Manoah and his wife offer him a burnt offering in faith.

This is what it says.

Verse 15 Manoah said to the angel of the Lord, “Please let us detain you and prepare a young goat for you.” And the angel of the Lord said to Manoah, “If you detain me, I will not eat of your food. But if you prepare a burnt offering, then offer it to the Lord.” (For Manoah did not know that he was the angel of the Lord.) And Manoah said to the angel of the Lord, “What is your name, so that, when your words come true, we may honor you?” And the angel of the Lord said to him, “Why do you ask my name, seeing it is wonderful?” So Manoah took the young goat with the grain offering, and offered it on the rock to the Lord, to the one who works wonders, and Manoah and his wife were watching. And when the flame went up toward heaven from the altar, the angel of the Lord went up in the flame of the altar. Now Manoah and his wife were watching, and they fell on their faces to the ground.

The angel of the Lord appeared no more to Manoah and to his wife. Then Manoah knew that he was the angel of the Lord. And Manoah said to his wife, “We shall surely die, for we have seen God.” But his wife said to him, “If the Lord had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and a grain offering at our hands, or shown us all these things, or now announced to us such things as these.”

I should die. But in Jesus Christ, I have an answer to my sin, and guilt, and shame. He became my burnt offering. Through faith in Christ I can gaze upon the glory of God and believe His promises.

The Apostle Paul put it this way in Romans 8.

Verse 31 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.”

This is what I need to hear every moment of every day.

It is only this kind of grace that can free me from my guilt and shame. This grace fuels holiness.

If holiness begins with me just doing “righteous deeds” as my way to earn God’s favor…

Well, then I have just eliminated grace altogether.

And without the grace of God…

I would never be saved.

*I know I’ve been posting songs by these guys a lot lately, but their music just continues to blow me away.

 

7 years old November 18, 2009

Filed under: childhood, fatherhood, poetry — thunderbeard @ 6:51 am
Tags: , , ,

“Seven”

Missing teeth.

Who needs meat.

I have eyes and ears

To feed on life.

Let’s go fast.

Let’s rocket blast.

I can climb the rope

To the top of the gym.

Tickle me.

Wrestle me.

You be the monster again, Dad.

Just the pretend kind.

I don’t like REAL monster Dad.

I am seven.

And I remember everything.

-Thunderbeard

November 18, 2009

 

In Loving Memory November 16, 2009

Filed under: art, dad, death — thunderbeard @ 7:55 pm

Dad's face

I never thought I would tattoo my Dad’s face on my body, but…

Here it is.

I know many people think tattoos are wrong…

I do have a biblical theology behind my tattoos, but that is for another blog.

I like this drawing for several reasons…

It’s old-fashioned. Dad was old-fashioned.

It’s cartoony. Dad was a character.

It’s puzzly-looking. Dad was puzzling.

And it’s mouthless. Not only does it enhance the beard, but I also liked Dad best when he listened.

I added “Since 1950″ because he was born that year…

And this is not the end.

Thanks to Troy for the drawing. You can read his story behind it here. (I did the mirror-image because Dad parted his hair on the other side, and I also wanted to get it on my left leg.)

And thanks to Wade for the tattooing. Thank Jesus for great friends.

*Here is a picture of Dad with our firstborn, Noa (Dad’s beard was getting pretty white by then). I think it is the first time he got to hold him. Noa will be 7 on Wednesday. We miss Grandpa.

 

Grieving November 15, 2009

Filed under: dad, death — thunderbeard @ 9:10 am

The past month was a blur, but sooner or later reality begins to sink in. And when you aren’t ready for it, it hits you the hardest.

I thought I was ready for it. When it comes to losing someone you love…

I don’t think you can ever be ready for it.

I think a lot about death. I don’t like death, but I know that death is real. I know I could die at any moment. And I knew that Dad was going to die of cancer. We all had 3 years to prepare…

But you can’t know what it is going to feel like until it actually happens.

While I was in Michigan, I experienced a peace beyond all comprehension. I could almost feel God surrounding me with grace and peace through that time.

But this last week, I cried a lot. Sad thoughts constantly entered my mind. Every song I heard was reminded me of the pain of death.

In case you’re wondering, I really do believe that Dad is doing just great right now. I believe that he is in heaven with Jesus Christ. I’m not grieving about any of that. But there are many reasons to be sad.

This is why I grieve…

I grieve because my Mom is a widow, and I can’t be there to comfort her or take care of her.

I grieve because my oldest son’s birthday is this week, and he won’t ever get to hear Grandpa sing to him again.

I grieve because I don’t know if I’ll ever hear my Mom laugh that way again.

I grieve because I was just getting to know my Dad, and now he’s gone.

That stuff hurts.

Savior Jesus, we need you. Our debt is too much to bear.

 

Hello Hurricane November 12, 2009

Filed under: music — thunderbeard @ 6:01 pm

hello hurricane

Switchfoot.

There are many reasons to like this band…

What I like most about them is that they write good music.

Those of you who knew about Hello Hurricane already know…

And those of you who didn’t know, probably don’t care.

But this album is probably their best one yet.

I say “probably” because The Beautiful Letdown is amazing.

And if you were to compare the best songs in Hello Hurricane with the best songs in

Any of their previous albums…

I wouldn’t say that these are better.

But there is something about the overall package found in Hello Hurricane that seems

The most complex.

The most lasting.

The most significant.

Because these songs are about

Pain. Brokenness. Sin. Hope. Life.

And Love.

And when a band as talented as Switchfoot writes honestly and truthfully about these realities…

You can’t help but feel it down in the depths of your heart.

“Where?”

Down in the depths of my heart.

*The three songs below are my favorites (right now) from this album. What are your favorites and why? (I know. It’s hard to pick. But do it!!!)

 

Listening – The Universal Love Language November 8, 2009

Filed under: love — thunderbeard @ 7:44 am
Tags: , , , ,

plugged ear

Melanie and I got into a fight on Thursday night.

I don’t know if you’ve read The Five Love Languages book. I read it not too long after Melanie and I were married. There were some things in that book that I really didn’t like, but I also remember it being helpful in some ways…

This guy was saying there were mainly 5 ways a person will feel loved.  And a huge reason that many of us struggle with being understood in our relationships with people is that they don’t “feel” loved in the same ways that we do. You try to show love, but they don’t understand it. Some people feel most loved with kind words…others by touch…and others by an act of service, and so on, and so forth (I forgot the other two). The point is, if you want someone to know you care about them you need to learn to “speak” their love language.

What I can’t remember is if this guy really talked much at all about “listening” in his book. I don’t think he did. Because it seems to me that you would have no need to read a book about love languages if you were actually listening to the people around you. I think if we listened to people more, we would learn their language pretty quickly. Hasn’t that always been the best way to learn a language – living life with the people who are speaking that language and listening to them?  It seems to me that the biggest problem in most of our screwed up relationships is that we don’t care enough to take the time to listen.

Because the truth is…

We love ourselves more than anyone else.

Which brings me back to my fight with Melanie. We started fighting because I thought she wasn’t listening to me. And then she got mad because I wasn’t listening to her. After about 30 minutes of working through the frustration, we realized that was exactly what the problem was – neither one of us cared enough to really listen. So we repented…

And then that led to a discussion about the differences that men and women have when it comes to listening. I think it’s true that women are amazingly better at multitasking. And their ability to multitask makes them better listeners. Here is an example…

When Melanie gets together with her Mom and sisters at Thanksgiving, they can cover about 100 topics in 30 minutes. Each person interrupting the other. Each one asking a different question or taking the conversation in a different direction. (To be honest…I’m not sure how much listening is actually going on in these conversations because it sounds schizophrenic to me.) But they look like they are in heaven – perfectly fine with several different conversations all going on at once and all going down rabbit trails. While I am in hell trying to figure out just one thing that was said in the first minute of the conversation – ending up utterly confused. I seriously have to leave the room or turn the TV up. Otherwise my brain gets fried.

If I were an animal, I would be the Unitasker.

Sort of like a Unicorn, but not nearly as beautiful, or as lucky, or as rare.

So… pretty much nothing like the Unicorn.

I almost can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. And I think this is a common characteristic of men. Here is an example. This was crazy, but I don’t believe it was any coincidence. That very night after discussing our problem of not listening and then discussing the difference between men and women’s ability in this area…

I was sitting at the computer, looking at this super cool, gnarled-up, spooky tree for home decor on ebay. You know… Something we have a super huge need for in our already cluttered house of various collections. And I hear Melanie say, or I should say… sing, “HELLOOOOOO!”

I look over at her and say, “WHAT!?” I’m annoyed by anyone singing that word at me.

She says, “I SAID…’Can I GET you anything’?” obviously annoyed by my nonresponse to her question.

I started laughing – thinking that she had whispered it or something. And I told her that I swear I didn’t hear a single word of that sentence. She swore that she said it at a normal volume. It was crazy. I somehow went into deaf-focus-mode looking at the details about this tree on ebay. For all I know, I might have lost every other sense at that moment as well. She didn’t believe me at first. But eventually it made sense to her that if I was only selecting to hear what I wanted to hear, why would I select not to hear…

“Can I get you anything?” I love hearing that question from pretty much anybody.

So, that was the beginning of a new world of understanding between my wife and I. It explains all the times that she has said, “I told you that yesterday! You were looking right at me!” And I’d swear that she didn’t tell me anything. I would say, “How could I not have heard that important piece of information? I would have wanted to know that!” It is true that in my selfishness, sometimes I will tune out Melanie’s voice. But I did not know that I had this ability to uni-task so well that my body actually turns off one of its senses for greater focus. It happens involuntarily sometimes. (I know. I tried to make that sound like a good thing, but I’m not sure if it is. Maybe I actually have a disability. Now that sounds like I’m asking for pity. Whatever.) But maybe that’s why Michael Jordan was so good at basketball. He had this extreme focus ability. Nobody knew that in those moments when he was slamming the basketball down Patrick Ewing’s throat, he was actually deaf, and couldn’t feel, or taste, or smell. I knew I was like Mike. I know I wouldn’t want to have any sense of hearing, feeling, tasting, smelling, or even seeing if I were ever that close to Patrick CHEWing. I’m guessing, but I think Michael Jordan is a Unitasker like me!!!

I really don’t know.

But I’m glad my wife and I are learning that one of the best ways to let someone know you love them is to listen to them.

So, I had better go.

Melanie might be trying to tell me something right now.

 

Weezer, “If You’re Wondering If I Want You To (I want you to)”…do better November 7, 2009

Filed under: humor, music — thunderbeard @ 1:59 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

weezer

Weezer’s newest album, Raditude, came out this week.

I don’t have much to say about it because it’s not very good. I hope they just needed to get this out of their system.

And if the album was meant to just be a joke. I don’t really get it.

Weezer, you can do better than this.

I will leave all you readers on a good note though.

Here are some tasty nuggets that have come as a result of Weezer’s latest effort…

These AOL Weezer sessions are very entertaining. I mean, how could mixing Weezer with Kenny G, Chamillionaire, Sara Bareillis, and Green Day not be awesome in some way? Hopefully itunes will make these available for purchasing. Take not that these are variations of some of the songs on the album, and some that are not.

This Weezer Snuggie infomercial is funny… with appearances from Weezer and some other random people mixed in. I’ve considered getting the Weezer Snuggie for my Mom. She would love it.

And below I have embedded my favorite song from the album, “Put Me Back Together.” Too bad the rest of the songs weren’t all nearly as good as this one. Because this is one of Weezer’s best ever in my opinion.

Also, you can read some excellent reviews of the album here if you’re interested:

This one on Strong Odors is good.

And this one on Pitchfork as well.

 

Trick or…RAISINS?!!! November 4, 2009

Filed under: childhood, fatherhood — thunderbeard @ 11:10 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

spidermen

We spent October 31st at Melanie’s parents house in Cleveland, Ohio. The kids had been looking forward to celebrating their freedom as Protestants on Reformation Day by dressing up in costumes and getting candy from nice neighbors.

Turns out that Grandma Hawkins has some really nice neighbors…

except for this one lady a couple houses down…

Just as I was reminding Noa and Levi to always say thank you when someone gives you candy for free…

they go up to this ladies’ door, wish her a happy halloween, and she gives them…

a box of raisins.

Noa says, “Thanks.”

Then turns around and instantly proclaims, “Awww Man. She gave me raisins!!!”

The lady was still within earshot of his remark of disgust.

I told Noa – “It’s okay.  I’m glad you still said ‘thank you’ because even if you don’t like it…

It was a free gift.

And you don’t have to eat it. “

But deep down I was also glad that he showed his disappointment.

And I was glad that the lady heard it.

Because kids don’t want to go trick or RAISIN-ing on Reformation Day.

Kids want candy.

A hundred pieces o’ candy!!!

*(for more pics go here.)

 

Eulogy for Dad October 28, 2009

Filed under: Jesus Christ, dad, death, faith, fatherhood, love — thunderbeard @ 4:19 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

My Dad’s funeral was on Monday.

I woke up Monday morning in a cloud of sadness. It was definitely the hardest day I’ve had in a long time. I got up extra early to go to a solitary place to clear my mind and finish writing what I would say to honor Dad.

I drove to the Texan. It’s always been one of my favorite places in Midland for breakfast, and Dad always liked it too. On the way I thought it would be good to listen to some music. I needed something. So I put in Bleach. Their music always seems appropriate to me, but I had never listened to them in the face of death.

But even in that place of sadness and loss, their music lifted my heart toward God.

After singing in my car at the top of my lungs with vocal chords cracking and tears flowing…

I went in the restaurant and got some eggs, sausage, hashbrowns, toast, and a Pepsi…

And wrote Dad’s eulogy.

Eulogy for Dad

Dad was a teacher…

But you don’t become a good teacher without first being a good student.

Dad loved to learn new things.

Actually…

I’ve never known anyone who was as excited about learning as my Dad was. The world was like a giant museum to him.

Whenever the car broke down (which was quite often), Dad asked the mechanics so many questions that the mechanics needed to fear Dad might replace them if they answered them all.

When we got our first computer…

Dad got sucked into cyberspace like Tron. Sometimes we feared he would never escape.

And I bet you can guess his favorite Star Trek character…

Spock.

I mean, he had the Vulcan Death Pinch. It’s only logical. And Dad was fascinated… “Boldy going where no man had gone before.”

But what fascinated Dad the most

Was the love that Jesus Christ had for him.

The grace of Jesus brought my Dad to his knees in awe and wonder.

My Dad got up early in the morning and stayed up late at night to learn more about his Creator and King through Bible study and prayer.

And it was here that Dad learned to be a friend.

Because you don’t become a good friend without first having a good friend.

Broken people cannot unbreak themselves.

And lost people need someone to find them.

And a dead person needs Someone to resurrect them…

That Friend was Jesus.

Jesus was that friend…

is that friend…

and will forever be

that Friend.

Jesus saved Dad.

I can’t imagine how excited Dad must be today. I picture him like a kid on an eternal Christmas morning…

Never-ending opening of presents in wide-eyed wonder. And after each gift he runs to his Father God and hugs him. Never-ending “Wows” of amazement.

He is standing in the presence of His Creator, Savior, Lord, and King…

Free from all pain and suffering.

Being taught in Person by the One who knows all things.

And embraced forever by the Friend who loved my Dad, and you, and me so much to die in our place to save us for Himself.

Dad’s life on earth was just the “cover and title page.”

Last Friday, Dad began, “chapter one of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read, which goes on Forever, in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

 

Suffering and Evil October 27, 2009

Filed under: Jesus Christ, The Reason for God, dad, death, faith, tim keller — thunderbeard @ 5:27 pm

SERVICE OF REMEMBRANCE AND PEACE
FOR 9-11 VICTIMS’ FAMILIES
Ground Zero/St Paul’s Chapel

Tim Keller
Sep 10, 2006

“As a minister, of course, I’ve spent countless hours with people who are struggling and wrestling with the biggest question – the WHY question in the face of relentless tragedies and injustices. And like all ministers or any spiritual guides of any sort, I scramble to try to say something to respond and I always come away feeling inadequate and that’s not going to be any different today. But we can’t shrink from the task of responding to that question. Because the very best way to honor the memories of the ones we’ve lost and love is to live confident, productive lives. And the only way to do that is to actually be able to face that question. We have to have the strength to face a world filled with constant devastation and loss. So where do we get that strength? How do we deal with that question? I would like to propose that, though we won’t get all of what we need, we may get some of what we need 3 ways: by recognizing the problem for what it is, and then by grasping both an empowering hint from the past and an empowering hope from the future.

First, we have to recognize that the problem of tragedy, injustice and suffering is a problem for everyone no matter what their beliefs are. Now, if you believe in God and for the first time experience or see horrendous evil, you rightly believe that that is a problem for your belief in God, and you’re right – and you say, “How could a good and powerful God allow something like this to happen?”

But it’s a mistake (though a very understandable mistake) to think that if you abandon your belief in God it somehow is going to make the problem easier to handle. Dr Martin Luther King, Jr., in his Letter from Birmingham Jail says that if there was no higher divine Law, there would be no way to tell if a particular human law was unjust or not. So think. If there is no God or higher divine Law and the material universe is all there is, then violence is perfectly natural—the strong eating the weak! And yet somehow, we still feel this isn’t the way things ought to be. Why not? Now I’m not going to get philosophical at a time like this. I’m just trying to make the point that the problem of injustice and suffering is a problem for belief in God but it is also a problem for disbelief in God—for any set of beliefs. So abandoning belief in God does not really help in the face of it. OK, then what will?

Second, I believe we need to grasp an empowering hint from the past. Now at this point, I’d like to freely acknowledge that every faith – and we are an interfaith gathering today – every faith has great resources for dealing with suffering and injustice in the world. But as a Christian minister I know my own faith’s resources the best, so let me simply share with you what I’ve got. When people ask the big question, “Why would God allow this or that to happen?” There are almost always two answers. The one answer is: Don’t question God! He has reasons beyond your finite little mind. And therefore, just accept everything. Don’t question. The other answer is: I don’t know what God’s up to – I have no idea at all about why these things are happening. There’s no way to make any sense of it at all. Now I’d like to respectfully suggest the first of these answers is too hard and the second is too weak. The second is too weak because, though of course we don’t have the full answer, we do have an idea, an incredibly powerful idea.

One of the great themes of the Hebrew Scriptures is that God identifies with the suffering. There are all these great texts that say things like this: If you oppress the poor, you oppress to me. I am a husband to the widow. I am father to the fatherless. I think the texts are saying God binds up his heart so closely with suffering people that he interprets any move against them as a move against him. This is powerful stuff! But Christianity says he goes even beyond that. Christians believe that in Jesus, God’s son, divinity became vulnerable to and involved in – suffering and death! He didn’t come as a general or emperor. He came as a carpenter. He was born in a manger, no room in the inn.

But it is on the Cross that we see the ultimate wonder. On the cross we sufferers finally see, to our shock that God now knows too what it is to lose a loved one in an unjust attack. And so you see what this means? John Stott puts it this way. John Stott wrote: “I could never myself believe in God if it were not for the Cross. In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it?” Do you see what this means? Yes, we don’t know the reason God allows evil and suffering to continue, but we know what the reason isn’t, what it can’t be. It can’t be that he doesn’t love us! It can’t be that he doesn’t care. God so loved us and hates suffering that he was willing to come down and get involved in it. And therefore the Cross is an incredibly empowering hint. Ok, it’s only a hint, but if you grasp it, it can transform you. It can give you strength.

And lastly, we have to grasp an empowering hope for the future. In both the Hebrew Scriptures and even more explicitly in the Christian Scriptures we have the promise of resurrection. In Daniel 12:2-3 we read: Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake….[They]… will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and…like the stars for ever and ever. And in John 11 we hear Jesus say: I am the resurrection and the life! Now this is what the claim is: That God is not preparing for us merely some ethereal, abstract spiritual existence that is just a kind of compensation for the life we lost. Resurrection means the restoration to us of the life we lost. New heavens and new earth means this body, this world! Our bodies, our homes, our loved ones—restored, returned, perfected and beautified! Given back to us!

In the year after 9-11 I was diagnosed with cancer, and I was treated successfully. But during that whole time I read about the future resurrection and that was my real medicine. In the last book of The Lord of the Rings, Sam Gamgee wakes up, thinking everything is lost and discovering instead that all his friends were around him, he cries out: “Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead! Is everything sad going to come untrue?”

The answer is YES. And the answer of the Bible is YES. If the resurrection is true, then the answer is yes. Everything sad is going TO COME UNTRUE.

Oh, I know many of you are saying, “I wish I could believe that.” And guess what? This idea is so potent that you can go forward with that. To even want the resurrection, to love the idea of the resurrection, long for the promise of the resurrection even though you are unsure of it, is strengthening. I John 3:2-3. Beloved, now we are children of God and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. All who have this hope purify themselves as he is pure.” Even to have a hope in this is purifying.

Listen to how Dostoevsky puts it in Brothers Karamazov: “I believe like a child that suffering will be healed and made up for, that all the humiliating absurdity of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage, like the despicable fabrication of the impotent and infinitely small Euclidean mind of man, that in the world’s finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, for the comforting of all resentments, of the atonement of all the crimes of humanity, of all the blood that they’ve shed; and it will make it not only possible to forgive but to justify what has happened.”

That is strong and that last sentence is particularly strong…but if the resurrection is true, it’s absolutely right. Amen.”